With Paris in prison and Lindsay in rehab, the starlet scene has been seriously diminished recently. However papparazzi did catch up with Hilary recently on a Saturday night knitting and watching the Notebook.

Overwhelmed with a frantic third trimester burst of energy, she also decided to go through every single CD case in her home looking for a wedding DVD that has been reported missing for over a month. Since the Notebook runs just 120 minutes, the last hour of this (eventually successful) search required that Saturday Night Live be on in the background.

Since Hilary is usually too busy with her starlet friends on Saturdays (read: is asleep by 11), it has been approximately four years since she watched SNL (aside from that version with Matthew Perry.) Know how it really wasn't all that funny four years ago? It's now 90% less funny than it was then.

Posted by hilary at 12:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | Filed under: Gossip; 

Much like Nicole Ritchie, Hilary's been laying low recently - but it's absolutely not because of an eating disorder! Nor has she broken up with Vince Vaughn! It had been about 58 days since we last saw Hilary in public, but she made an appearance at the annual ING Seawall Race. Really it has a longer name than that, but if you want to Google it that's all you need. Soon we won't have names for anything - just Google search terms. Asked to comment on her experience, Hilary remarked that there sure are a lot of fast old people in this town. Despite a personal best she was beaten at least 42 men aged 55 to 59. And some 70+ year olds.

Posted by hilary at 10:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | Filed under: Gossip; 

The Baroness Blixen was rushed to a veterinary hospital this morning after showing signs of lethargy and pain. Her reps deny that it was a rehab centre. "She was suffering from exhaustion," said her publicist.

The cat was released at approximately 3:30 the same day into the care of her personal assistant and is reportedly feeling much better.

However Blixen fled from papparazzi seeking photos of her in her new designer scarf. Like Garbo, she "just wants to be alone."

Posted by hilary at 08:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | Filed under: Gossip; 

In a brief burst of energy, celebrity Hilary yesterday decided to accompany Julian on an evening jog to Stanley Park yesterday from her home near Cambie Street. She did not run, but wore rollerblades. Mapquest charts this as an 11 mile round trip in a car (a fact Hilary did not know before her trip). Considering that they took the most roundabout way to get there, travelling through both Gastown and the downtown waterfront (and possibly Marpole), Hilary estimates that it was about 17 times Mapquest's estimated distance. In interviews yesterday Hilary denied witness accounts that she could not rollerblade as fast as Julian runs. She also denied the allegation that Julian pulled her up the uphill parts on the last part of the journey. She did express fears that Vancouver might actually inspire her to be athletic, but most long-time Hilary watchers treat this with a fair amount of scepticism.

Posted by hilary at 12:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | Filed under: Gossip; 

In a recent trip to the dentist, Hilary discovered she needed only three fillings. This was a rise from 2003 when Hilary had only two fillings, but did not come close to matching 2002 when she had four fillings and had her wisdom teeth removed. Hilary appreciates dental benefits when she sees them.

Posted by hilary at 04:43 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Provinces and Year of Conquer

Ontario 1978
Quebec 1979
British Columbia 1981
Alberta 1999
Manitoba 2000
Saskatchewan 2000
Nova Scotia 2002
New Brunswick 2002 (Okay so I only drove through it, that counts doesn't it?)
Prince Edward Island 2002

One province continues to be missing from this list... not yet the victim of Hilary's wandering ways. This weekend that province will be conquered as well! [Evil cackle]

Posted by hilary at 11:32 AM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Hilary left for foreign lands. She was overwhelmed by the differences she observed: The strange dialects; the differing customs; the driving conventions turned on their head; the odd-looking packaging on the Chicken McNuggets. By George, the United States is a strange place.

Posted by hilary at 10:27 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Hilary was caught by surprise yesterday when she heard the sounds of splitting seams as she sat down. She was shocked to find that her skirt had ripped up the back, leaving a dangerously narrow margin of error . However, just like her former protégé (or perhaps prodigal daughter), Gywneth Paltrow (who almost single-handedly started the pashmina craze when her pants split at a movie premiere) Hilary recovered by tying a friend's scarf around her waist. Observers were heard to say that Hilary looked "very nice."

Posted by hilary at 06:43 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Hilary recently had to cut off all access from her home to the web-site E-Bay. The site, known for its excellent deals, has created a severe crisis in Hilary's chequing account. In a recent flurry of activity, she bought not one, but two pairs of cashmere pants. This only served to enhance her enthusiasm so that she also bought a suit from Barney's, and several items from designers like Donna Karan and Armani.

Hilary requests that all sellers leave negative feedback for her so that others will refuse to sell to her

Posted by hilary at 06:43 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Posted by hilary at 06:41 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Celebrity Hilary has been missing from these gossip pages for quite some time, but readers should not fear. While travel, romance and exotic locales may remove her from you briefly, she always returns to her loyal fans.

Like most celebrities who disappear for a while, Hilary has undergone some detoxification (mainly of negative attitudes) and is getting in touch with all her chakras. She's also wearing her hair a new way (high pony, instead of low) and is all ready for spring, and her next project.

Posted by hilary at 06:40 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Hilary reportedly enjoyed an evening out with female friends. The event was business not pleasure, as Hilary contributed to a study which demonstrated that pink drinks do not in fact impair motor skills as fast a purple drinks.

Posted by hilary at 06:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | Filed under: Gossip; 

This says everything you need to know about Atlantic Canada.

Posted by hilary at 06:38 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Long time readers will recall that Hilary has suffered many early morning addictions to get her through the day. Yesterday she revealed yet another weakness when she bought not one, not two, but three chocolate related items at the same time in the cafeteria. Unfortunately, at least one chocolate chip ended up smashed on her skirt in the frenzy.

Posted by hilary at 06:34 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

After watching About A Boy last night, Hilary decided that while she and Hugh Grant have a certain chemistry, they'd really be much better as friends. Despite the temptation presented by Grant, Hilary decided that she would remain loyal to Matthew McConaughey.

McConaughey, readers may remember, was somewhat on the outs with Hilary following his appearance in the Wedding Planner with Jennifer Lopez. While the movie was sweet, it enforced female stereotypes. McConaughey redeemed himselt with his latest appearance with Kate Hudson (which features him without his shirt in at least two scenes!)

Hilary also recently called off her friendship with Ben Affleck. The two, who have known each other since Affleck's pre-fame Glory Daze, remained friends even after their romantic relationship deteriorated. Hilary even reportedly had a poster of Affleck in her study during third year university (donated by a roommate.) However, it is reported that Hilary is displeased with Affleck for his latest appearance in that grating yet catchy video, Jenny on the Block.

Posted by hilary at 06:33 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Some people dream of sugar plums. Hilary dreams and black and white silk. On a recent shopping extravaganza, the celebrity returned to the same store twice in two days to purchase a total of seven items. The star also bought three pairs of shoes. Celebrity watches note this is the first clothing purchase made by Hilary since last summer in San Francisco.

Posted by hilary at 06:31 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Hilary apologised Monday night for her long absence from these pages. Recent work obligations have prevented Hilary from finding anything funny, ever. In a recent meeting Hilary narrowly avoided stabbing herself with a Bic Pen to dull the pain of the ongoing proceedings. Hilary is currently drinking coffee from a cup that hasn't been washed in over a week, but is not feeling it. Pain from employment has made Hilary numb to almost everything.

Posted by hilary at 06:28 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Hilary's entire weekend revolved around the making of one President's Choice organic cake mix. The ingredients were ready: the eggs fresh, the flour sifted (well the flour was part of the mix, but no mind!)

Although Hilary had planned to spend her Sunday afternoon eating the entirety of said cake while watching TLC, her plans were interrupted by a surprisingly painful stomach ache.

Observers say the cake might not be the culprit, but attribute it instead to the vst quantities of icing consumed during the baking process. Hilary vowed that next time she would make it from scratch. In the meantime, anyone for cake?

Posted by hilary at 06:26 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Sources say that during an rare spare moment a few days ago Hilary happened to be (surprise, surprise) surfing the Internet. On a whim, she typed her own name into the Internet Movie Database to see if there was yet a member of the Screen Actor's Guild who has registered her name.

Imagine her shock and surprise to see her own name had indeed been registered for a movie she actually starred in. Well, was in anyway. Somewhere in the background. But screen credit nonetheless!

If anyone knows where one can rent a copy (copie?) of this video (vidéo?) she would pleased to let you watch it with her. Unless you're crazy.

P.S. You can even add notes to an IMDB message board on Ms. Thomson, if you wish!

Posted by hilary at 06:25 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Hilary breathed a sigh of relief tonight as her site once again took top position on Google. Ever since moving her site from its former home, Google had replaced Hilary's top spots with this article by some unknown British Hilary, and this page which appears to refer to some other Canadian Hilary from the West Coast.

Now following this site's recent indexing, Hilary is once again top of the pops, leading the 17,900 results found on Google.ca, Google.com, Google.co.uk. A noticeable exception is German Google, where this site is still nowhere to be found. (Für Schande!) But then who wants to be first on a site that recommends looking it up under Hilary Thompson as the alternate spelling?

Posted by hilary at 06:23 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Recent holidays and eggnog parties have left Hilary relatively un-newsworthy of late. Hilary celebrated the holidays quietly with her family in the capital city of Canada.

While fans may expect Hilary to spend New Years in style, as is her habit, shocked celeb-watchers are reporting that so far Hilary has nothing planned. She is even threatening to "take it easy," or "stay home." Stay tuned for further updates.

Posted by hilary at 11:40 AM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Hilary has joined the legions of celebrities who have seen fit to insult overweight people by wearing a fat suit for cheap laughs. As reported in Entertainment Weekly, the fat suit is a virtual epidemic among stars. Not to be left behind celebrities such as Courtney Cox, Julia Roberts, Martin Lawrence and Eddie Murphy, Hilary also donned a fat suit for her latest gig.

Oh wait, this just in: Hilary isn't in fact wearing a fat suit. That's her actual face. Shockingly, three days after having her wisdom teeth removed, Hilary's face is still intensely swollen. While no longer freakish, her face bears a striking resemblance to that of Fat Suit Monica, from the NBC hit Friends.

Posted by hilary at 01:35 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Hilary recently underwent an extremely frightening experience in which she was forced to watch threatening videos while having sharp objects stabbed into her face. For this honour, Hilary was charged $140.00.

The star went in for what she thought was a routine dental cleaning, but instead was forced to look at enlarged pictures of cavities in her teeth. Following that, she had to watch a video about "gum pockets" and "soft plaque" while a woman picked at her gums with sharp metal pick. The video contained horrifying images that cannot be described in detail here, but included close-ups of bacteria and root canals.

Hilary is relieved that when she returns on Friday for surgery on her mouth, she will at least be unconscious.

Posted by hilary at 12:19 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Hilary today revealed that she is truly in the Christmas spirit. The star today explained that her favourite thing about Christmastime is "Well, I suppose, getting things. Then of course there are parties, egg-nog, an excuse for decorating, getting Christmas cards. Well I suppose that last thing sort of falls under getting things."

"I especially enjoy getting presents for my family and friends," she said. "It reminds me of how much they're probably spending on me."

Hilary put up her Christmas tree today. The salesperson was shocked when she asked for a "sadder" one. "Not fatter," she had to clarify, "Sadder. Like a Charlie Brown tree, that perhaps no one else would buy."

When asked about this apparent sentimental affection Hilary explained: Well, there is more room for presents under the sparse ones." Gift givers can refer to the page of this site to see her wishlist.

Posted by hilary at 11:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | Filed under: Gossip; 

Hilary was recently spotted in Loblaws, purchasing blue and white tupperware. It is hoped that better meal preparation will aid with Hilary's recent diagnosis of iron-deficient (i.e. self-indulgent) anaemia. Hilary is pleased to know that recent fatigue and spaciness has a medical reason, however she hopes that treatment will not "cure" her of her bi-weekly twelve-hour sleeps. 'Cause if you don't have dreams, what have you got?

Posted by hilary at 01:15 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

After receiving her 173rd mailing and 43rd e-mail from the World Wildlife Foundation of Canada, Hilary finally caved and agreed to make a monthly donation to the organisation.

Ever since "adopting a polar bear" as a gift for a family member, Hilary has received numerous requests for additional money from the WWF. Hilary has hardened her heart to the plight of , Arctic seals and Bengal tigers and baby polar bears. But after reading about the transportation of baby parrots in toilet paper rolls as part of the illegal pet trade, Hilary could bear it no more. Plus, they promise a free calendar.

Posted by hilary at 09:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | Filed under: Gossip; 

Hilary has suffered extreme dental pain since Saturday afternoon causing her to miss 1.5 days of work and to run a low-grade fever. Initial reports that she had a tumour have been dismissed. Hilary, who had not been to the dentist ever since found out he was married, needs to have her wisdom teeth removed. She will go under general anaesthetic on December 13th just days after her insurance takes effect.

In the meantime Hilary will remain on antibiotics and painkillers. Hilary chose this moment of sympathy to make a few statements: "Yes, I did forget to call you. Yup, the latest dent on the car is my fault. And by the way, I really really like flowers and candy."

Posted by hilary at 05:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (1) | Filed under: Gossip; 

Much to surprise of recent observers, Hilary was dissed and dismissed last week when she asked someone out on a date. "It's been quite a long time since she's been rejected," said one source. "So it's undoubtedly a bit of a surprise."

One friend almost fell off his chair when told: "Really?" he asked. "I assure you, she's very memorable."

Hilary-watchers predict the star will not allow the unexpected stonewalling to affect future negotiations with other parties.

Posted by hilary at 08:20 AM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Celebrity spotters may not see Hilary out and about this Tuesday. Hilary is reportedly scheduled to watch television for approximately one hour. Sources say that Hilary may be seeking inspiration for future acting roles, or it may just be that is looking to be entertained. Hilary reportedly did not watch any television this weekend aside from a few 'music videos' as she ate a late dinner on Sunday night.

Posted by hilary at 05:23 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

In a revolutionary move today, Hilary avoided doing the dishes that have been piling up in her kitchen sink. Commentators wonder whether this is a sign of things to come. According to sources close to the star she was "too busy" Friday night and was trying to spend Saturday "relaxing."

In other news Hilary, for the umpteenth weekend in a row, procrastinated on planting tulip bulbs she bought in late August.

Posted by hilary at 07:13 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Hilary discovered never-before seen remains today. She made the discovery while rooting around in the staff refrigerator. She peeled back the shroud of a long-forgotten pasta salad to reveal several alien growths. Hilary was reportedly surprised that no one else seemed to want to examine her find very closely.

Posted by hilary at 09:13 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

In a not-so-cryptic message to the media Hilary also asked that people stop sending her love letters or anonymous gifts of candy. She finds it disconcerting. Incidentally Hilary has purchased a large, vicious dog and has moved out of Ottawa, to, er... Mottawa.

P.S. It's not the candy she minds, it's the anonymity.

Posted by hilary at 03:16 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

When driving home a few days ago, Hilary remembered that she really likes Dire Straits. Hearing their song on the radio, Hilary turned up the volume and sang along loudly. When asked what she like about the song, she replied "Maybe it's the hook at the beginning, where they sing 'who-hoo'. It really sets the tone. Or maybe it's just that after all the violence and doubletalk, there's just a song in all the trouble and the strife."

Hilary expressed surprise to hear that the song was called 'Walk of Life' and not 'Walk Along.'

"Really?" she said. "I guess I knew that somewhere in the back of mind, but it really sounds like 'walk along' when they're singing."

Posted by hilary at 03:35 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

In an exposé rivalling Li Zhisui's memoirs on Mao, Hilary's nutritionist spoke out today.

Revealing a seven day meal plan for the last week, Dr. Eatwell claimed that the last three dinner meals Hilary had were, in order: french fries and mayonnaise (Wednesday), chicken wings and nachos (Thursday) and a medium double cheese pizza with honey (Friday.) While Hilary claims to eat salad (along with her daily pecan pie) at lunch, Dr. Eatwell is concerned that Hilary does not get enough vegetables and fruit.

Hilary's publicist asked this question: "Do Swedish Berries and Fuzzy Peaches count as fruit? Because I'm pretty sure she has those as an afternoon snack."

A university friend who wished to remain unnamed confirmed: "Hilary's eating habits might cause death were she a small child."

Posted by hilary at 07:06 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Celebrity Hilary thanked fans for the cards, candlelight vigils and general support following the recent illness of her Mac.

"Mac is now stable," she said. "We've got a few reinstallations to do, but the path is definitely much brighter than it was a few days ago. Thanks."

Posted by hilary at 07:06 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

The star's i-book is currently in critical condition following a brief illness involving extension managers and a possible virus. The i-book is currently en route to intensive care. The star asked fans to please send good vibes so that the i-book will recover.

"She's being very stoic right now," Hilary said. "We haven't yet seen the symbol of ultimate despair: the Sad Mac which maimed her predecessor without warning during second year midterms. However, the situation is dire and there is a possibility that data recovery will not be possible. I have to hear what the doctors say because it is beyond my capabilities now."

While Hilary's novel is backed up, hundreds of pages of fiction and web designs were not. "Please send your wishes for a full recovery," she added.

Posted by hilary at 12:36 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

There were three incidents this week when Hilary reintroduced herself to acquaintances only to find they did not remember her name, or even the fact that she is famous. Shockingly, two of these people had actually attended exclusive events at Hilary's home.

Unconfirmed accounts have Hilary whacking the aforementioned ignorants with a Prada purse screaming "Don't you know who I am?" Most friends of the celebrity think this is wishful thinking, especially the part about the Prada purse.

On the bright side, George the shwarma man recognised Hilary and was able to recount exact dates when she had entered his shop. He also noted that she was "beautiful" and yelled "Thank God!" when she confirmed her single status. While some readers might find this alarming, Hilary was flattered, and pleased to receive a free shwarma.

Posted by hilary at 10:50 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

While some people had other, important concerns on September 11th, celebrity Hilary spent at least four and a half minutes worrying about recent gray hairs that have appeared. "To be honest," she said in a prepared statement to the press, "I noticed them a while ago in my make-up mirror, but I didn't really think about it until my friend Marcel started counting them during our lunch break.

"My mother still hasn't gone gray, or so she claims, so I always sort of thought I wouldn't for a while yet either. I only saw one or two but [former friend Marcel] insisted there were at least six. And I also noticed that there's this laugh line on my cheek that just sort of stays there, even when I'm not laughing."

Hilary's fears were somewhat alleviated when she was carded recently while entering an establishment that sells alcohol.

Posted by hilary at 03:13 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Against her better judgement, celebrity Hilary joined a football pool this fall. "I've actually never watched an entire football game," she confessed. She was somewhat shocked when her roommate informed her that the "tight end was wide open." But she can't take credit for that line. "I chose to bet on the Panthers this week," she said. "Panthers are pretty and purpley. Plus I really like cats." Fans now know who to root for in this week's game.

Posted by hilary at 10:15 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Hilary claimed to have learned many lessons from this month's week-long festival in the Nevada desert. "I've made new friends and enjoyed the freedom to love myself and love others," she said. "I also learned what a man wearing only a sombrero and a taco looks like when riding a bicycle. I'd never have learned any of these things if I hadn't gone." Photos!

Posted by hilary at 07:42 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

At 14:30 this afternoon Hilary realised that it had been a full 36 hours since she had said anything funny. Recent bad news regarding the health of her cat and a financial mistake at the bank had both served to dampen her mood. However it does not explain why she missed opportunities for piercing sarcasm at around 10:15 this morning.

"The intense heat may also be a factor," said medical consultant Stanley Morantz. Friends of the star are hoping for a full recovery within a few days.

Posted by hilary at 10:50 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

IKEA has long billed itself as the affordable furniture store where items can be brought home immediately, thus saving the customer time and money. But celebrity Hilary recently uncovered the conspiracy that is IKEA. If purchasing lamps at least 16 return trips have to be made to find the correct light bulb. The star estimate that she could have made $17 000 if she had been paid for the time spent driving back and forth to IKEA.

The store also makes not so-veiled attempts to keep customers around longer. For example, if keys are misplaced at IKEA they are not turned in at the lost and found but rather kept in the individual section. Hilary will be informing the RCMP of her findings.

Posted by hilary at 10:36 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Hilary was recently commended by a friend of hers for her recent role in preventing local conflict. The conflict began when migratory patterns forced three hostile parties to live together on the same region. Hilary and her roommate have been key in preventing major warfare. Pictures have been hard to obtain due to guerilla tactics, but a rare photograph of one of the warring factions can be obtained by clicking here. UN commendations are expected.

Posted by hilary at 10:19 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

At around seven o'clock yesterday evening Hilary's car suffered a collision with an eighteen-foot moving van. Damage to the truck was invisible however the star's car suffered major damage to the bumper and trunk area including the rear headlight.

In response to the question, "Do you think this can this be banged out?" mechanic Jean-Pierre Riopel replied "Not a chance!" Gas station attendent Mike Lee was also sympathetic. "Wow, looks pretty bad!" he said after viewing the damage. No word yet on how this will affect weekend plans to to travel to Montreal area.

Posted by hilary at 12:56 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

A "Trading Spaces" marathon was interrupted this weekend when celebrity Hilary took a tumble down the stairs during a commercial break. She was quoted as saying "I choked on a pretzel, which caused me to temporarily lose consciousness, then I fell down the stairs. I guess I should listen to my mother and always chew my food."

Hilary sported a large bruise but was evaluated by a health official who gave her the okay to continue with the television marathon.

Posted by hilary at 09:19 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

This month, the Unofficial Fansite hit record highs with as many as seven visitors inone day. According to findings most people find the site by typing "Hilary" or "hilarymg" into common search engines like Yahoo! or Google. More unexpected were findings that indicated that the site also turns up when users type "Hilary nude" (ranked eleventh on Google) or "celebrity pictures." (ranked 260 on Geocities Member Pages).

Informed of the findings, Hilary had this to say: "I don't know what's more disturbing: that someone might be trying to find nude pictures of me or that someone bothered to scroll through 26 pages of Geocities' member pages."

Posted by hilary at 08:17 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Today at around five o'clock this evening, Hilary walked off the set of her latest project. Unbeknownst to many of her fans, the star had apparently given notice that she would be leaving. Rumours abound that it may be related to her addictions, however her publicist denied the charges saying that Hilary was merely going on "vacation."

Posted by hilary at 07:01 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Despite Hilary's regular fitness programme, she nearly suffered a heart attack today. In a prepared statement to the press Hilary advised her fans to "please learn from my mistake: Do not watch the Mothman Prophecies alone at night if you suffer from an intense fear of moths and moth-like creatures."

Hilary promised that if she runs into Richard Gere at any celebrity gatherings, she will suggest adding a warning label to the film. "Especially since it was Richard [Gere]. I mean how was I supposed to know it would be scary. Did anyone else see Intersection?"

The star will also be doing some community service messages for people with moth-phobias. "It's a misunderstood ailment," she explained.

Posted by hilary at 01:55 AM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Hilary attended a picnic today. As all attendees were required to donate something, she donated a large bag of potato chips. All proceeds from the picnic will go to the cause of other middle-class civil servants.

Posted by hilary at 02:11 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Just a day after it was reported that Hilary suffers from a dangerous caffeine addiction, another vice was revealed. According to security guard Guy Laframboise, Hilary also sufferes a severe gambling addiction. Many sources in and around the cafeteria area were able to confirm this rumour.

"Oh sure," said one who preferred to remain nameless. "She's in here every goddamn day buying her 'Cash for Life.' Promised me a cut if she won. Haven't seen a penny yet though."

Posted by hilary at 04:54 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Hilary has refused to enter rehab for a suspected addiction. Sources close to the star say that she may be suffering from caffeine addiction. Hilary was spotted, not once, but twice this morning in the cafeteria purchasing coffee. She also bought it in a large thermal mug, not a small styrofoam cup. Scientists say that cups hold only half the amount of a mug.

Hilary's publicist would only say that she is "managing her problems on her own." The publicist also denied that the celebrity has a caffeine addiction, but said she was suffering "exhaustion."

Posted by hilary at 11:41 AM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Sources indicate that Hilary continued with her fitness regime, announced at a press conference last weekend. She bladed several kilometres this weekend before collapsing on a park bench in Vanier. She then ate chicken wings for dinner.

Posted by hilary at 10:36 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Going the way of Gwyneth and Ben, Gwyneth and Brad, Matt and Winona, Winona and the lead singer of Soul Asylum, Hilary and her current boyfriend have broken up. Their publicists had no comments, except that the two will "remain friends."

Posted by hilary at 03:21 AM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip; 

Hilary's 24th birthday was a smashing success, beginning at her estate in Ottawa and moving downtown to Sparks Street. Hilary also reportedly got lots of presents.

Posted by hilary at 10:10 PM | Permalink | Filed under: Gossip;